We
all experience anxiety and stress, and that’s obvious. If we didn’t, we would
not be human and would be unable to protect ourselves and our loved ones from
danger.
For
example, imagine that while driving you notice another car speeding, looking
like it was going to run a stoplight. If you get anxious and experience a
“flight” reaction of what could happen,
you will react quickly by stepping on the brake and might very well avoid an
accident!
Although
the above example shows that anxiety can be a friend in times of danger, often
anxiety is maladaptive when it goes on overdrive long after the threat of
danger is over. Some people cannot get themselves back to a calmer baseline as
anxiety remains high – even though there is no longer any objective threat.
Anxiety
on overdrive can make us actually feel sick, can cause us to hyperventilate,
our hearts to race, while disturbing our concentration and our sleep and even
can cause panic attacks.
Most
often anxiety results from not actual threats, but our exaggerated fears of
what might happen. When we are overly anxious, danger lurks in our minds and
not from the outside.
“It
would be awful if I goof up” “If I lose this job I might never get another
job.” “If she leaves me, I couldn’t handle it.” “If I say something stupid in
the meeting, people will think I’m stupid.” “It would be terrible if I make a
mistake.” “I’m nervous that he’ll get angry at me.” “I can’t mess this up.”
Fears
are usually more specific and realistic, while anxiety results more from our
exaggerated thinking. Exaggerated thoughts of possible rejection, humiliation
and failure lead to low self-esteem and extreme stress.
Getting
caught up in “what ifs” deprive us of a sense of self-empowerment and make us
feel at the mercy of people and situations. No wonder why anxiety on overdrive
leads to the development of anxiety disorders, such as generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and social anxiety
disorder.
How about you? Do you find your
self-talk increases your anxiety more than it calms you down? Do you worry
about things that are not really in your control, no matter how much you try?
The
following are some ways to calm yourself when you find your anxiety is on
overdrive.
1.
Use deep calming breaths
Deep
breathing is one of the most immediate steps you can take to calm anxiety.
When
we are anxious, we tend to tense up, leading to rapid and shallow breathing.
Using deep calming breaths can help us immediately calm down our physiological
response to our racing thoughts. Deep breathing involves diaphragmatic
breathing.
Breathe
slowly through your nose and release your breaths slowly through your mouth.
Consciously extend your abdomen while taking deep breaths instead of taking
shallow chest breaths.
How
can you tell if you are breathing deeply? Put one hand on your stomach and one
hand on your chest – when you breath in, the hand on your stomach should be
moving up and down while the hand on the chest stays relatively still.
To
help concentrate on your breathing, imagine a colour as you breathe in and out.
Count
slowly either forwards or backwards for up to the count of 10 as you breath in
and as you release your breath.
Use
a mantra you repeat on each breath, such as the word RELAX or CALM.
2.
Identify distorted thinking
Most
of our anxiety arises from our panicky thoughts that exaggerate danger, basically lying to us that awful things could
very well happen.
When
we believe our distortions, we cannot separate fact from fiction. Only by changing your thoughts, your feelings can
be changed and quell excessive anxiety.
It is hard to “calm down” when your
thinking is out of control! These are some things that might help you take
charge of your thoughts:
Identify
cognitive distortions. These are unhealthy thought habits that cause emotional
distress.
Types
of Distortions include:
- All-or-nothing
thinking, over-catastrophized thinking –“I
can’t stand it “
- Fortune
telling – “I’ll never get over
this!”
- Mind
reading –“He’s must hate me!”
- Labeling
– “I’m a loser.”
- Shoulding – “I
shouldn’t be so sensitive “
The Triple Column Technique introduced by
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy author Dr. David Burns in his book, The
New Mood Therapy, uses
cognitive distortions to help change distorted thinking to healthier thinking.
Using this technique, make up three
columns on paper or on your computer:
In the first column, write your
anxiety-provoking thoughts, such as, “I’ll
be alone the rest of my life.”
In the second column, write the type of
distortion. In this example, it would be all-or-nothing thinking and fortune
telling.
In the third column, write a more
rational and factual alternative such as, “I feel alone right now but that does not mean I will never
find anyone – it is up to me to keep being open to new relationships.”
3. Practice cognitive defusion
Another way to distance yourself from
your unhealthy thoughts causing extreme anxiety is to practice cognitive
defusion techniques developed by Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
founder Steven Hayes.
When you “defuse” your thoughts, you look
at them and observe them instead of looking from them, as if they were fused to your
mind.
An example of cognitive defusion is
changing “I am a loser” to “There
I go again having the thought that I am a loser.” Notice in
the first statement you believe the thought is true, and in the other you look at the thought.
Using visualizations to distance your
thoughts can be helpful. For example imagine each anxious thought on various
leaves in a stream, and watch them as they float away and disappear. Or imagine
the thoughts written on clouds in the sky and watch them from afar instead of looking from them.
4. Be mindful
Most people think of mindfulness as the
act of sitting quietly with eyes closed, breathing deeply in a meditative
state. However, meditation practice is just one example of mindfulness.
Mindfulness
rather is a practice that doesn’t isolate you from the world, but rather one
that makes you more aware of yourself and the world in the present.
Simply put, mindfulness is the
practice of nonjudgmental awareness.
Mindfulness is the experience of staying
in the NOW.
When you are mindful, you accept things
as they are, without judging whether they are good or bad, or how things
“should” be.
When you are mindful, you are open with
your five senses to the world as it is, without distractions and rumination
about the past or anxieties about the future.
Being mindful is with a “beginner’s mind”
experience the present as if you were experiencing it for the first time.
5. Write it out
Whether you keep a journal or
occasionally write out your thoughts, writing can be very therapeutic. These are
some reasons why writing can be so helpful in quelling your anxiety on
overdrive.
Writing things down on paper or on the
computer helps you crystallize and eliminate unhealthy ways of thinking,
replacing them with healthier alternatives.
By writing out your thoughts, you will
gain the objectivity needed to recognize and change unhealthy perceptions.
Writing your thoughts down makes you face
them and keep focused. It makes your thoughts and issues tangible in the real
world rather than in the recesses of your mind.
Writing helps problems become more
solvable. Just like with many math or physics equations, some problems are just
too complex to figure out in your head.
6. Stay grateful and positive
When you are optimistic and have an
“attitude of gratitude,” it is hard to feel too anxious.
Positivity is a choice and reminding
yourself of what you have to be grateful for will limit negativity and
out-of-control thoughts.
Positive People are empowered and limit
anxiety by focusing on how they are in control of their emotions instead
of feeling like victims.
When you focus on what you are grateful
for instead of life’s “what ifs,” your focus is grounded on reality rather then
what could happen or shouldn’t happen.
Consider keeping a gratitude journal and
enter at least a couple entries each day of what you are grateful for. This grateful
perspective is not compatible with anxiety on overdrive as a positive and
grateful attitude creates mental calmness.
7. Don’t go it alone
Research has shown that those people are
happier if they have a strong sense of social support.
When you are anxious, reaching out for
support and help can be very calming:
- Call a friend and share your upset.
- Seek professional help.
- Find one person with whom you can self-disclose.
In times when you are less stressed is a
time to work on building a support network.
8. Talk nicely to yourself
Anxiety is correlated with unhealthy
thinking which often entails self-deprecation and self-criticism.
Berating yourself for being too anxious,
for example, will only put kerosene on the fire of your anxiety.
Use self-compassion to be kind and
nurturing to yourself. Instead of thinking “I am an idiot for getting so worked up,” reassure
yourself as you would a friend with words such as “I don’t blame you for being so anxious –
you’ve gone through a lot and I have faith I will get through it stronger and
wiser.”
Replace
words of discouragement into words of encouragement.
Instead of shaming yourself for being so
anxious, show yourself some love and unconditional acceptance.
Consult with us for Health Management & Mind Wellness
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